inDeFiNiTe sufFering
by Zergface
Summary: Adolf, hero of the soviet union, destroys all that is bad about our world by making love to absolutely everything then taking down the nationalists of planeptune known as drug addicts (might break fanfiction guidelines)
1. Chapter 1

_**the followin is a work of satire and if you get spicy then youre just a negative nancy**_

* * *

Adolf hitler, mastermind of amazing fun times such as the takeover of France and the deportation of millions of poles from Poland during the MAGA (Move All Gnarlies Away) Campaign, has finally come to terms that he was, in fact a raging homosexual.

Hitler decided it would be best for him to start a new life, away from national socialism. Instead of grabbing his pals in the SS and hopping on a train to his vacation home in Austria, he decided he would travel to a different dimension and make some friends. After all, he didn't have any friends in germany. People were too shy to talk to the leader of such a powerful country, what a shame.

Hitler walked over to his personal time machine and tried to cross dimensions but couldn't because it was a time machine. Next he tried using his submarine, but he couldn't get anywhere because the submarine was on land.

Depressed that he had no friends and the neighborhood bully, Stalin, was coming over to make fun of his moustache sometime within the year, hitler pulled out his luger and was about to shoot himself when, all of a sudden, he heard a voice.

" _Hey you!_ "

"Vas ist?" hitler exclaimed.

" _Yeah you!_ " the voice continued. " _I'm looking for a brave hero with a pure heart. Your calling has come, mister…_ " the voice waiting, expecting a reaction.

"Gee," hitler sighed. "Ich bin wahnsinnig geworden!"

" _With such a kind heart such as yours, I think you, just you out of all the people in the world, are the best choice across all dimensions and timelines of all dimensions to save all Gamindust-_ "

Hitler shot himself and his brains splattered everywhere.

" _Oh- OH._ " the voice, which was from Histoire, gasped. "Well that was easy. No need to convince him or anything, huh. Now I just need to take his soul and sell it to Neptune…"

* * *

 **The next day…**

"Gott im Himmel!" Hitler cried out in a bed. "Ich muss Scheiße essen." Adolf rubbed his head, thinking deeply about genocide and how it was not funny but needed to find a way to make it funny so he could destroy the earth in the year 2017 when people got offended by the use of him in a satirical manner without getting banned on any sort of literature medium such as .

"Wow, he's awake!" Neptune exclaimed happily. "Now we can save Gamindustri!"

"Hooray!" Every single CPU said simultaneously.

"Was zum Teufel?" Hitler muttered. "Ich muss Fußfetischisten massakrieren."

"That's right!" Neptune exclaimed a second time with the exact same demeanor. "You've been chosen to help us defeat the one true threat to society and Gamindustri!"

"Nein nein, was zum Teufel!?" Hitler screamed, killing several babies nearby. "Ich spreche kein Judengespräch."

"Right again, Mr. Hitler! We're off to kill fanfiction writers and install Nazbolian socratic dictators like Jeb Bush!"

"JEB BUSH IS NAZBOL" Blanc screamed mercilessly as she killed a person with her hammer.

"Schwarze Menschen sind nicht menschlich…" Adolf said, shaking his head.

"Let's go!" Everyone on the face of the earth and in north korea shouted menacingly.

* * *

"Rats!" Arfoire shouted. "You discovered my plot to use this here watering can to destroy humanity! Whatever shall I-"

Arfoire was shot and killed by Hitler, who smiled and said something about how modern economic models cannot be matched by Martin Lutheran standards.

After claiming all of the South China Sea, Neptune stood up and stared at a bunch of huddled Fanfiction writers who were not happy to be naked and surrounded by sweaty, hairy men.

"With the power of Lenin-flavored pudding, I condemn thee to the shadow realm!"

Everyone died

Then there was a big sex party in some taliban man's hut but Adolf, being the man of high morals that he was, sat out and only drank carbonated water for the duration of the night. Not only was he against smoking, but he was also against drug use and weird fetishes like jetski oil fracking.

But it didn't matter in the end, as he impregnated each and every woman in the world and later used his child slave army to take the fight to the FBI with Neptune at his side. The end.

But it wasn't the end as Hitler escaped to Argentina with a flying whale, living a peaceful life with eight wives who were coincidentally the CPUs of Gamindustri.

Until the fire nation attacked.

The nazbol gods smiled that day

* * *

 **part two will come if this gets one view**


	2. Mum gay

Adolf Hiter was a wise man.

At least, according to those who decided to sit down, grab a coffee and have a friendly chat with the man. As a vegetarian and avid non-smoker, Hiter found himself at home in Planeptune, where he quickly became famous for ridding Gamindustri of shitty fanfiction writers.

And banging all the women writhing fourteen kilometers. But, being the wise man he was, Hitler thought it would be nice to visit his friends in the Basilicom.

Hitler left the homeless shelter and swung by the flower shop on the way there, buying a bouquet of roses for Histoire.

With the sun at his back and the wind blowing ever so gently in his favor, nothing could go wrong for good ol' Adolf.

Then a zepplin crashed into the Basilicom.

everyone died, and fire was everywhere.

"Nigerianer riechen zu dieser Jahreszeit schrecklich!" He shouted, darting for the crash site.

There he found dead people because people died.

"Es muss saugen, um auf Müttern zu erbrechen." He muttered, thinking about blue cheese and shredded cheddar.

"My name Jeff" said Blanc, who didn't look like Blanc but instead was a zombie.

Hitler dodged the zombie attack and killed it with his super good looking mustache. After catching his breath and wiping the estrogen off his forehead, he knew things had to be addressed if Planeptune was going to be saved.

Saddam Hussain, a personal friend of Adolf's walked up to him and started asking something about STDs in French.

As Adolf hated baguettes, Saddam got shot by a nearby sniper.

"Danke Herr Sniper!" Hitler cried out, tears streaming down his face.

The German people didn't deserve people like mister sniper. He was too good for them. Adolf, noticing that this was Gamindustri and not Germany, made a mental note to execute him as soon as possible.

Now that the fires had caught onto nearby buildings and the police was nowhere to be found, Hitler entered the destroyed Basilicom, looking for a place to use the bathroom.

"Dieser Ort sieht nach Scheiße aus..." Hitler muttered as he stepped over some burning corpses. He needed to deliver the flowers before he could use the bathroom, that was the proper thing to do.

And as a proper man, Hitler the corpse by leaving his fecal matter atop its center of mass.

Now that he was relieved, Hitler used the flowers to clean his posterior, which promptly caught on fire from the flames on the corpse.

Holding the flaming flowers made the handsome man scream in agony, and then Hitler died.

Hitler, having killed Hitler, met Histoire in Heaven because Histoire died in the zeppelin explosion.

"Oh dear, what are you doing here mister Hitler?" She asked.

"Verdammte Schwule müssen sterben." Hitler nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm glad to see we are on the same page." She replied. "Sucks that we are dead now, huh."

Hitler nodded again, then placed his hands in his pockets. He felt his Luger poking through his pants.

"You must be really happy to see me, huh. Oh wait, that's a gun." Observed Histoire, who tried to step back but couldn't because she was a book fairy and book fairies can't walk. They are disabled.

Hitler pulled out his Luger, then he pulled out the roses form his butthole.

"Are those for me?" Histoire asked.

"Ja." Hitler answered with hearts in his eyes.

"What the fuck Adolf those were in your asshole." Histoire shrieked. "Get the hell away from me! Please, someone help!"

Hitler, seeing how he was currently getting rejected, shot Histoire in the face.

Next he needed to kill god.

* * *

Hitler, being the man of noble stature that he was, was allowed to pass into Celestia heaven land because he banged all the guards there with his heavy weapons.

The time was counting down for god, as hitler broke into full sprint atop the landmass.

Seeing Purple Heart, Hitler paused, tensing up.

"Dammit hitler What the hell is wrong with you. I thought we had something special!"

" _ **Mitochondrien ist das Kraftpaket der Zelle**_." Hitler affirmed calmly after repeating the statement several times in his head to gain the confidence to speak.

"Hitler what does that have to do with anything, what do you mean mitochondria is th-"

Hitler shot neptune and neptune died

Then there was a big sex party until hitler fell off the side of the landmass after his drink got spiked by a zombie, who didn't look like a zombie but was blanc. Vert, seeing this turn of events, stabbed the zombie with a fork.

This turn of events left hitler falling to his death.

Then, against all odds, someone didn't come to the rescue and hitler landed on Noire in the most cliche manner possible.

However, because physics exist, hitler snapped his neck with lots of blood and gore and stuff and got paralyzed from the neck down. Noire contracted syphilis, and was prescribed euthanasia.

How will hitler get himself out of this jam?

Guess what, he didn't because he was paralyzed form the neck down.

But then the fire nation attacked.


End file.
